Previously …
I got that funny feeling in my tummy, I started getting sweaty and felt like there is no more oxygen in the room. Only moments after I get a text form Sarah <3
Is it true what they say?
You and Saloom are a couple?
------------------------------
“El 7egran yga6e3 el m9ran”
And that’s exactly what I did, that day was when I realized that Sarah was the reason for everything, every good, every bad!
Don’t start judging, No im not blaming her!
Its all me, its all my doing, I take all the blame. But shes the reason .. Just the reason.
Readers, Frequent readers, New readers .. Re-read my blog, like I re-read your comments over and over.
I’m certain none of you understand what I went thru, what I felt. It was painful.
A thousand words cannot describe it, so I cant do that for you!
A reader is someone who reads a story, and puts his/her shoes in the writers place. Do that .. Then comment. And then I just might take your comments into consideration !
Hamda
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Part 05
Previously:
Happy Birthday Angel
May all your wishes and dreams come true
Enjoy your birthday, Hope I was there to enjoy it with you
Xoxo
-------------
That text put me in a really awkward position, I didn’t reply and i cant reply now 24 hours later!
Instead I laid awake in my empty room, surrounded myself with my thoughts of where Sarah and I were, and where we are now. We used to share every little thing together, now a sweet text made me question my decisions. I especially thought of who I was, and who I became. The fact that in one night I made out with a total stranger.. drunk, Frightened the hell out of me.
I never ever had the slightest thought of drinking alcohol. I always believed it was dumb and immature. I thought of how karma bites, and in my head I went thru all my “projects”. I really still regret fucking them up, some of them were really nice people, some would literally slit their wrist for me, others worship the ground I walk on, but there were still a few rotten apples.
Sunday morning..
Few more hours till I see her face, I’m afraid it’s all going to be too much to bare. I still felt shitty from the weekend. Going to uni was traumatic especially on this day.
After all my classes I rushed to my car. I kept my sunglasses on even indoors, just to avoid eye contact with anyone. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk. All I wanted was to see Sarah. That’s all I can ask for on a dreadful day like this, I didn't want to talk to her, I just wanted to see her.
I got in my car, took off my shailah. And sat there for a few minutes , just to catch my breath. I played my iPod on the only song that could always fix my mood. “Sunday Morning – Maroon 5”
And drove off, I few minutes later I get a disturbing phone call. Oh joy! Its Salama!
Hamda: Alloo ?
Salama: Halla Sh7alch?
Hamda: Im ok
Salama: Are you still sticking by your deal?
Hamda: What deal?
-with everything going on, I seriously forgot!-
Salama: Tommorow? The open day?
Hamda: Oh yeah! Me? Your date ! That’s right
Salama: So I pick you up 12-ish ?
Hamda: Yeah, Sure
Salama: See ya
Hamda: Bye!
Let me remind you that i hated her guts, she tricked me!I stuck by the deal because thats what i do, breaking deals or promises is just what i dont do!
Open Day …
I put on my favorite hottest shoes, and got my hair done perfectly. It wasn’t for Salama, It was for me. I wanted to feel good about myself, appreciate this face and body that god gave me. My gut told me today was going to be horrible, all i could do was go with the fucking flow
.
The ride to university was awkwardly silent. Salama tried to make conversation but I kept indirectly shutting her up and commenting on the music or the smell of her car (which smelt like pizza hut)
As we entered the gates Asma was the first person I saw. Asma is Sarah’s cousin.
Asma: Halla w ‘3alla
Hamda: Asoom Halla
Asma: Oh My God Saloom, Mn zmaan 3anch sh7alch?
Salama: El 7amdellah sh7alch inty?
Asma: Ysrch 7aly..Dont forget to check out our booth
Salama: Inshallah
Wooah, That was awkward. Apparently Salama graduated from this university, So everyone knows her. And at events like this one all people do is talk (Gossip), So im doomed!
Salama: 7amdoo balach you’re walking meters away
Hamda: No im not, umm im just looking for Shamma
All day as I tried to push Salama away she pulled me closer. I really didn’t know what she wanted from me, and I certainly wasn’t thinking of being more than friends with her.
I came up with excuses and had pointless long chats with random people. For hours I felt Sarah’s eyes following my every move, which made me go insane!
"Go with the flow, Go with the flow" i kept mumbling to myself all day
My friends and I finally settled in one area. Shamma sat next to me and of course on the other side was Salama, Hessa and her girlfriend joined us too. After we all laughed our hysterically over people’s silly decisions of dyeing the hair with pink and green highlights or wearing a scrunchy, my eyes locked on Sarah’s. It lasted for a split second but felt like forever, I got that funny feeling in my tummy, I started getting sweaty and felt like there is no more oxygen in the room. Only moments after I get a text form Sarah <3
Is it true what they say?
You and Saloom are a couple?
To Be Continued ;) ….
-------------
Readers, I guess im gonna keep leaving you with texts from Sarah. Hmmm, Maybe this blog should be called "Texts from Sarah" LOL!
Keep Reading ;)
xoxo
Hamda
Happy Birthday Angel
May all your wishes and dreams come true
Enjoy your birthday, Hope I was there to enjoy it with you
Xoxo
-------------
That text put me in a really awkward position, I didn’t reply and i cant reply now 24 hours later!
Instead I laid awake in my empty room, surrounded myself with my thoughts of where Sarah and I were, and where we are now. We used to share every little thing together, now a sweet text made me question my decisions. I especially thought of who I was, and who I became. The fact that in one night I made out with a total stranger.. drunk, Frightened the hell out of me.
I never ever had the slightest thought of drinking alcohol. I always believed it was dumb and immature. I thought of how karma bites, and in my head I went thru all my “projects”. I really still regret fucking them up, some of them were really nice people, some would literally slit their wrist for me, others worship the ground I walk on, but there were still a few rotten apples.
Sunday morning..
Few more hours till I see her face, I’m afraid it’s all going to be too much to bare. I still felt shitty from the weekend. Going to uni was traumatic especially on this day.
After all my classes I rushed to my car. I kept my sunglasses on even indoors, just to avoid eye contact with anyone. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk. All I wanted was to see Sarah. That’s all I can ask for on a dreadful day like this, I didn't want to talk to her, I just wanted to see her.
I got in my car, took off my shailah. And sat there for a few minutes , just to catch my breath. I played my iPod on the only song that could always fix my mood. “Sunday Morning – Maroon 5”
And drove off, I few minutes later I get a disturbing phone call. Oh joy! Its Salama!
Hamda: Alloo ?
Salama: Halla Sh7alch?
Hamda: Im ok
Salama: Are you still sticking by your deal?
Hamda: What deal?
-with everything going on, I seriously forgot!-
Salama: Tommorow? The open day?
Hamda: Oh yeah! Me? Your date ! That’s right
Salama: So I pick you up 12-ish ?
Hamda: Yeah, Sure
Salama: See ya
Hamda: Bye!
Let me remind you that i hated her guts, she tricked me!I stuck by the deal because thats what i do, breaking deals or promises is just what i dont do!
Open Day …
I put on my favorite hottest shoes, and got my hair done perfectly. It wasn’t for Salama, It was for me. I wanted to feel good about myself, appreciate this face and body that god gave me. My gut told me today was going to be horrible, all i could do was go with the fucking flow
.
The ride to university was awkwardly silent. Salama tried to make conversation but I kept indirectly shutting her up and commenting on the music or the smell of her car (which smelt like pizza hut)
As we entered the gates Asma was the first person I saw. Asma is Sarah’s cousin.
Asma: Halla w ‘3alla
Hamda: Asoom Halla
Asma: Oh My God Saloom, Mn zmaan 3anch sh7alch?
Salama: El 7amdellah sh7alch inty?
Asma: Ysrch 7aly..Dont forget to check out our booth
Salama: Inshallah
Wooah, That was awkward. Apparently Salama graduated from this university, So everyone knows her. And at events like this one all people do is talk (Gossip), So im doomed!
Salama: 7amdoo balach you’re walking meters away
Hamda: No im not, umm im just looking for Shamma
All day as I tried to push Salama away she pulled me closer. I really didn’t know what she wanted from me, and I certainly wasn’t thinking of being more than friends with her.
I came up with excuses and had pointless long chats with random people. For hours I felt Sarah’s eyes following my every move, which made me go insane!
"Go with the flow, Go with the flow" i kept mumbling to myself all day
My friends and I finally settled in one area. Shamma sat next to me and of course on the other side was Salama, Hessa and her girlfriend joined us too. After we all laughed our hysterically over people’s silly decisions of dyeing the hair with pink and green highlights or wearing a scrunchy, my eyes locked on Sarah’s. It lasted for a split second but felt like forever, I got that funny feeling in my tummy, I started getting sweaty and felt like there is no more oxygen in the room. Only moments after I get a text form Sarah <3
Is it true what they say?
You and Saloom are a couple?
To Be Continued ;) ….
-------------
Readers, I guess im gonna keep leaving you with texts from Sarah. Hmmm, Maybe this blog should be called "Texts from Sarah" LOL!
Keep Reading ;)
xoxo
Hamda
Friday, January 8, 2010
Part 04
Previously:
I don’t remember what happens after that, My friends let me in on the details the day after. Apparently Salama snuck Vodka in my Redbull.
----------
The Morning After …
I woke up in Shamma’s bed, In her pajamas. Completely confused, with the biggest headache of the century.
Hamda: Shammaaa??
Shamma: You’re awake finally !
-buried my head in my hands-
Hamda: OH! Shit! Shamma what the fuck happened? What about my mom, mno kalamha ? Shit Shit Shit ..
Shamma: I talked to your mom and told her you’re sleeping over, Hamda you drank like nobodys business !
Hamda: I Remember that, and I remember that Salama tricked me into it
Shamma: yeah ba3dain you asked for more
Hamda: What? Whhhyyy? What happened TELL ME!
-Shamma Sat next to me and started explaining-
Shamma: Well both of you left the party, And after everyone left we found you here in MY ROOM!
Hamda: Shit sho kena ensawiiii ?
Shamma: are you serious you don’t remember ?
Hamda: W rabiii I Don’t !!!!
Shamma: Oh My God! Ok listen .. We found you here w Saloom, you were on my bed and just not 9a7ya and she was pissed and ready to go.
Hamda: *Sarcastic tone* Pissed ba3ad ?
Shamma: 7amdoo something in this room happened, when we came in Saloom was too upset to even speak and just barged out of the house, and you were laughing your ass off!
Hamda: awnaaa hahaha !!!
Shamma: okaaay ymkn you didn’t figure this out yet .. SOMETHING happened !
Hamda: What ?
-looking down my shirt, checking if everything is still there-
Shamma: I cant really like..tell you coz I’d be guessing
Hamda: Fine lets call…whats her name ? Salama!?
Shamma: Exaclty .. wait I’ll get her number from e5ty
Hamda: AAAND ASPRIN PLEASE !!!!!
After hours my headache went away, and we spent forever arguing with Salama to come back here and explain what happened she agreed under one circumstance, And that was to go with her to our university’s open day. How hard could that be ?
Hessa (Shamma’s Sister): 7amdoo Saloom is dangerous
Hamda: Aha?
Hessa: No ! you don’t understand, shes known to fuck up peoples lives
Hamda: im not people! I know what im doing!
Hessa: No you don’t, And you getting drunk last night proves that !!
Hamda: I didn’t know I was drunk till it was too late !
Hessa: yeah! And you still asked for more! However this ends up I warned you!
Shamma: 7amdoo she could be right, becareful
Hamda: Nsaitoo im the one who does that? Play around with girls ? fuck them up?
Hessa: Shes different!!
-Salama Walks in-
Salama: Halla Sh7alkum?
Hessa&Shamma: eb5aiir
Hamda: FUCKED? Who the hell do you think you are slipping alcohol in my drink and god knows what else
Salama: Woooaah, I was just trying to have some fun
Hamda: that’s your explanation for fun ?
Hessa: Banat calm down, we’re here to figure this out so stop acting like animals
Salama: You wanna know what happened last night?
Hamda: yeah?
Salama: after making out and stuff I asked you how you think it went, and you said that you pretended I was someone called Sarah? And that’s what made it perfect .. and other crap like that
Hamda: Whaat? I did? Whyy?
Salama: Hmm maybe coz when you’re drunk etsaween w etgoleen ely f5a6rch, So whos Sarah?
Hamda: My ex . . . !?
Salama: Oh yeah and you did this …
-Salama turned around, in a position where we can see her back .. and lifted up her shirt-
Hessa: What the fuck?
-it was a round shaped purple bruise-
Hamda: I did that? How? Why?
Salama: ummm, I kind of sabait Sarah you got mad and smashed el ‘3arsha on my back!
Hamda: oh my god! Im sorry ! im so sorry
Shamma: Hahaha, What did she say
-I gave Shamma a look that meant SHUT THE FUCK UP-
Salama: I said that she was a brainless cow for letting you go
My heart stopped, If its true that when someone is drunk the express their true emotions, then was that my true emotion? after playing around with a thousand rebounds, am I really not over her ?
After the long lecture with Hessa about what I did, how I feel and what I should do next, I finally went back home !
I took the most comforting hot shower ever, had the best cup of coffee and laid down to rest. Later I looked at my phone and I found that I had a few texts and phone calls from that I didn’t check since last night, But one text in particular struck me!
It was From Sarah:
Happy Birthday Angel
May all your wishes and dreams come true
Enjoy your birthday, Hope I was there to enjoy it with you
Xoxo
To Be Continued …
I don’t remember what happens after that, My friends let me in on the details the day after. Apparently Salama snuck Vodka in my Redbull.
----------
The Morning After …
I woke up in Shamma’s bed, In her pajamas. Completely confused, with the biggest headache of the century.
Hamda: Shammaaa??
Shamma: You’re awake finally !
-buried my head in my hands-
Hamda: OH! Shit! Shamma what the fuck happened? What about my mom, mno kalamha ? Shit Shit Shit ..
Shamma: I talked to your mom and told her you’re sleeping over, Hamda you drank like nobodys business !
Hamda: I Remember that, and I remember that Salama tricked me into it
Shamma: yeah ba3dain you asked for more
Hamda: What? Whhhyyy? What happened TELL ME!
-Shamma Sat next to me and started explaining-
Shamma: Well both of you left the party, And after everyone left we found you here in MY ROOM!
Hamda: Shit sho kena ensawiiii ?
Shamma: are you serious you don’t remember ?
Hamda: W rabiii I Don’t !!!!
Shamma: Oh My God! Ok listen .. We found you here w Saloom, you were on my bed and just not 9a7ya and she was pissed and ready to go.
Hamda: *Sarcastic tone* Pissed ba3ad ?
Shamma: 7amdoo something in this room happened, when we came in Saloom was too upset to even speak and just barged out of the house, and you were laughing your ass off!
Hamda: awnaaa hahaha !!!
Shamma: okaaay ymkn you didn’t figure this out yet .. SOMETHING happened !
Hamda: What ?
-looking down my shirt, checking if everything is still there-
Shamma: I cant really like..tell you coz I’d be guessing
Hamda: Fine lets call…whats her name ? Salama!?
Shamma: Exaclty .. wait I’ll get her number from e5ty
Hamda: AAAND ASPRIN PLEASE !!!!!
After hours my headache went away, and we spent forever arguing with Salama to come back here and explain what happened she agreed under one circumstance, And that was to go with her to our university’s open day. How hard could that be ?
Hessa (Shamma’s Sister): 7amdoo Saloom is dangerous
Hamda: Aha?
Hessa: No ! you don’t understand, shes known to fuck up peoples lives
Hamda: im not people! I know what im doing!
Hessa: No you don’t, And you getting drunk last night proves that !!
Hamda: I didn’t know I was drunk till it was too late !
Hessa: yeah! And you still asked for more! However this ends up I warned you!
Shamma: 7amdoo she could be right, becareful
Hamda: Nsaitoo im the one who does that? Play around with girls ? fuck them up?
Hessa: Shes different!!
-Salama Walks in-
Salama: Halla Sh7alkum?
Hessa&Shamma: eb5aiir
Hamda: FUCKED? Who the hell do you think you are slipping alcohol in my drink and god knows what else
Salama: Woooaah, I was just trying to have some fun
Hamda: that’s your explanation for fun ?
Hessa: Banat calm down, we’re here to figure this out so stop acting like animals
Salama: You wanna know what happened last night?
Hamda: yeah?
Salama: after making out and stuff I asked you how you think it went, and you said that you pretended I was someone called Sarah? And that’s what made it perfect .. and other crap like that
Hamda: Whaat? I did? Whyy?
Salama: Hmm maybe coz when you’re drunk etsaween w etgoleen ely f5a6rch, So whos Sarah?
Hamda: My ex . . . !?
Salama: Oh yeah and you did this …
-Salama turned around, in a position where we can see her back .. and lifted up her shirt-
Hessa: What the fuck?
-it was a round shaped purple bruise-
Hamda: I did that? How? Why?
Salama: ummm, I kind of sabait Sarah you got mad and smashed el ‘3arsha on my back!
Hamda: oh my god! Im sorry ! im so sorry
Shamma: Hahaha, What did she say
-I gave Shamma a look that meant SHUT THE FUCK UP-
Salama: I said that she was a brainless cow for letting you go
My heart stopped, If its true that when someone is drunk the express their true emotions, then was that my true emotion? after playing around with a thousand rebounds, am I really not over her ?
After the long lecture with Hessa about what I did, how I feel and what I should do next, I finally went back home !
I took the most comforting hot shower ever, had the best cup of coffee and laid down to rest. Later I looked at my phone and I found that I had a few texts and phone calls from that I didn’t check since last night, But one text in particular struck me!
It was From Sarah:
Happy Birthday Angel
May all your wishes and dreams come true
Enjoy your birthday, Hope I was there to enjoy it with you
Xoxo
To Be Continued …
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Part 03
Silent Redears, I Do Not Appreciate Your Silence !
----------------------
In situations like this, I would never EVER be the one who pleads for an excuse for the others actions.
So when Sarah decided that she wanted to take a whole week to let me know its over, I gave her the whole damn week to trample on her lame-ass-pride, fall on her knee’s and say “sorry its over”. (in a text!)
She never gave me a reason, for I never asked.
Let me paint you this pretty picture, I Hamda go to the same university as the girl I loved with every ounce of my being. Ever since I was in this university, she was right infront of me to keep company when I had my daily coffee, there when I stressed out over projects and hugged me a thousand times a day. So imagine how I had to see her everyday, she the one you made university hell on earth (literally), for around a month I didn’t have the strength to “asalem 3alaiha” whenever I saw her around. One morning I saw Sarah approaching me from I distance, I quickly put my shades on and continued to walk to class.
Sarah: Heeey
-with the usual kiss on the cheek, like nothing ever happened-
Hamda: Halla
-In a low squeaky voice, I couldn’t breathe-
And that was it! I don’t understand what the hell goes thru this mind of hers. But eventually 9ar shay 3adi, 9arat kil yoom tet3ana mn wherever w tyeeny to say HI .. Gimme that kiss and walk away. Nothing else no texts no calls just that !
Meaningless much?
La sh3ooreeyan..9ar hal Hi w hal kiss the highlight of my day, I’d wake up every morning wanting to go to university coz I wanted that.
One day, that whole routine happened in a slightly different way.
Sarah : Heey
-with the “kiss”-
Hamada: Halla
Sarah: oh! You’re wearing the braclet I gave you ?
Hamda: uuh yeah, I meant to take it off
Sarah: Hungry?
Hamda: Im fine
-I walked away-
Sarah: I know your class starts in half an hour, coffee won’t hurt
-aah galbi
Hamda: ok
We sat in an area which was a little further away from everyone. None of us ordered anything, by know it was pretty obvious that it wasn’t about food, she had something to say. We sat on opposite ends of the table .. she just stared at me for like a minute. AKWARD, but I looked away.
Sarah: look at me
Hamda: I cant
Sarah: why not ?
Hamda: you tell me !
Sarah: Babe we obviously need to talk
Hamda: yeah..and?
Sarah: you don’t have questions?
Hamda: No .. None
Sarah: Well, my ex and I are not back together
Hamda: aha
Sarah: umm and that’s it so why aren’t we talking ?
Hamda: *in a sarcastic tone* Soooo, you visit this person coz apparently she gave
birth 6 months pregnant .. and after that you completely change like estwaity ensana thanya .. really ta9arfatech dont make any fucking sense
Sarah: so all this time ma3rafty you tell me this?
Hamda: Msh shay ydeed
Sarah: ok now honestly that night when I didn’t call you, what did you think?
Hamda: honestly? Ena galbch 7ann
-no reaction from Sarah-
Hamda: Im late for class
-I got up to leave-
Sarah: wait .. so just like that its over?
Hamda: everyone one in uni seems to thinks so !!
Its been over for a month!
As I walked away my head crowed with thoughts, I don’t know how I had the strength to say all that, all the confidence. It felt good, but it was painful how it just ended .. till this day the reason for the break-up wasn’t ever explained.
All I needed was closure, And because I didn’t get that..i did the dumbest things ever
When you get out of a serious relationship, the first thing you think about is I need a rebound. Not me .. I had REBOUNDS .. I jumped from one girl to the other .. and called them my “projects” fucked them up on purpose.
Awal shay I make sure that shes stupid and unconfident, which makes it easier for me to make her fall in love me, then she does !! then ama9e5rha shway che 3an 5a6ry, stop talking to her w ba3dain shes officially emotionally fucked.
I know, I know I was cruel.
But seriously, what goes around .. comes back around and bites you!
It all started on the day of my birthday when I met her, Salama. My friends t me a surprise birthday, remember my bestie? Shamma? Well Salama is her sisters friend. Anyways she was there. It was a mini party of 10. After blowing out my candles, I felt a bit woozy. Could it be too much redbull?
Salama kept getting closer and closer, until I was practically sitting on top of her.
Salama: Sho t7seen
Hamda: What?
Salama: Ta3ali
Hamda: Huh? What?
I don’t remember what happens after that, My friends let me in on the details the day after. Apparently Salama snuck Vodka in my Redbull. :)
To Be Continued …
----------------------
In situations like this, I would never EVER be the one who pleads for an excuse for the others actions.
So when Sarah decided that she wanted to take a whole week to let me know its over, I gave her the whole damn week to trample on her lame-ass-pride, fall on her knee’s and say “sorry its over”. (in a text!)
She never gave me a reason, for I never asked.
Let me paint you this pretty picture, I Hamda go to the same university as the girl I loved with every ounce of my being. Ever since I was in this university, she was right infront of me to keep company when I had my daily coffee, there when I stressed out over projects and hugged me a thousand times a day. So imagine how I had to see her everyday, she the one you made university hell on earth (literally), for around a month I didn’t have the strength to “asalem 3alaiha” whenever I saw her around. One morning I saw Sarah approaching me from I distance, I quickly put my shades on and continued to walk to class.
Sarah: Heeey
-with the usual kiss on the cheek, like nothing ever happened-
Hamda: Halla
-In a low squeaky voice, I couldn’t breathe-
And that was it! I don’t understand what the hell goes thru this mind of hers. But eventually 9ar shay 3adi, 9arat kil yoom tet3ana mn wherever w tyeeny to say HI .. Gimme that kiss and walk away. Nothing else no texts no calls just that !
Meaningless much?
La sh3ooreeyan..9ar hal Hi w hal kiss the highlight of my day, I’d wake up every morning wanting to go to university coz I wanted that.
One day, that whole routine happened in a slightly different way.
Sarah : Heey
-with the “kiss”-
Hamada: Halla
Sarah: oh! You’re wearing the braclet I gave you ?
Hamda: uuh yeah, I meant to take it off
Sarah: Hungry?
Hamda: Im fine
-I walked away-
Sarah: I know your class starts in half an hour, coffee won’t hurt
-aah galbi
Hamda: ok
We sat in an area which was a little further away from everyone. None of us ordered anything, by know it was pretty obvious that it wasn’t about food, she had something to say. We sat on opposite ends of the table .. she just stared at me for like a minute. AKWARD, but I looked away.
Sarah: look at me
Hamda: I cant
Sarah: why not ?
Hamda: you tell me !
Sarah: Babe we obviously need to talk
Hamda: yeah..and?
Sarah: you don’t have questions?
Hamda: No .. None
Sarah: Well, my ex and I are not back together
Hamda: aha
Sarah: umm and that’s it so why aren’t we talking ?
Hamda: *in a sarcastic tone* Soooo, you visit this person coz apparently she gave
birth 6 months pregnant .. and after that you completely change like estwaity ensana thanya .. really ta9arfatech dont make any fucking sense
Sarah: so all this time ma3rafty you tell me this?
Hamda: Msh shay ydeed
Sarah: ok now honestly that night when I didn’t call you, what did you think?
Hamda: honestly? Ena galbch 7ann
-no reaction from Sarah-
Hamda: Im late for class
-I got up to leave-
Sarah: wait .. so just like that its over?
Hamda: everyone one in uni seems to thinks so !!
Its been over for a month!
As I walked away my head crowed with thoughts, I don’t know how I had the strength to say all that, all the confidence. It felt good, but it was painful how it just ended .. till this day the reason for the break-up wasn’t ever explained.
All I needed was closure, And because I didn’t get that..i did the dumbest things ever
When you get out of a serious relationship, the first thing you think about is I need a rebound. Not me .. I had REBOUNDS .. I jumped from one girl to the other .. and called them my “projects” fucked them up on purpose.
Awal shay I make sure that shes stupid and unconfident, which makes it easier for me to make her fall in love me, then she does !! then ama9e5rha shway che 3an 5a6ry, stop talking to her w ba3dain shes officially emotionally fucked.
I know, I know I was cruel.
But seriously, what goes around .. comes back around and bites you!
It all started on the day of my birthday when I met her, Salama. My friends t me a surprise birthday, remember my bestie? Shamma? Well Salama is her sisters friend. Anyways she was there. It was a mini party of 10. After blowing out my candles, I felt a bit woozy. Could it be too much redbull?
Salama kept getting closer and closer, until I was practically sitting on top of her.
Salama: Sho t7seen
Hamda: What?
Salama: Ta3ali
Hamda: Huh? What?
I don’t remember what happens after that, My friends let me in on the details the day after. Apparently Salama snuck Vodka in my Redbull. :)
To Be Continued …
Monday, January 4, 2010
Part 02
This Post i dedicated to 7anooch, Thanx for your support ;*
-----------------------
Previosuly:
For 24 fucking hours ma sema3t 7ess'haa .. and i didnt want to call, Since it was such an awkward situation. TILL THIS DAY, I dont know if her ex really was pregnant, i dont know if she did visit her, and if she did i dont know what the hell happened in that hospital room !
Because after that day, Sarah changed 360 Degrees.
-----------------------
That night was the worst night I ever experienced. I sat in my room for hours, thinking of the possibilities of this situation I’ve been blindly thrown into. I asked myself a thousand questions and predicted a million answers; I was lost in my own head, in my own thoughts.
All the thoughts of what the hell happened in that hospital room I blamed it on Sarah’s ex, if you have ever been in love you’d know what I mean, when everyone in the world including yourself was the one to blame but your loved one was the innocent one,In my eyes she was flawlessly perfect.
I laid there eyes shut, blocking out all the negative thoughts. As I thought of her I unintentionally dozed off.
9 a.m my phones alarm woke me up for university. What a shocker not a call or text from Sarah. Driving to university, I thought of how I’d approach her if I saw her today, I thought of what I’d say I had everything perfectly planned out and ready.
Entering the university’s gates I looked to my left, at the tables where Sarah and her group of friends usually sat, They were all there, But I couldn’t see her big hair anywhere, as I said my good mornings to all my friends I saw Sarah’s big brown hair “mn 6araf 3ainy”, As I rushed to look, I saw her back walking away. “ It’s ok Hamda she didn’t see you” I thought to myself.
It was 10 a.m, This was the time she usually walks me to class. I never wanted her to, she always insisted, from the very first day we talked she always wanted to walk me to class. She knows all my professors and class mates, and they all know her. What an unusual feeling it was walking to class without her, I could hear two girls whispering “oh my god, sho they broke-up?” That thought itself terrified me, hearing it out loud was so much more horrifying, and who are they to talk about US like that?
Walking into the building I immediately saw my bestest friend on god’s green earth Shamma, She was practically running towards me in her stilettos, just looking at her face I knew she had bad news.
Shamma: Oh My God, 7ayatiii I heard ! Are you fine? Are you ok?
Hamda: Shammoo what the fuck are you talking about?
Shamma: What? You don’t know?
Hamda: Shamany im freaked out now, people are staring and whispering and shit, TELL ME!
Shamma: ummm, So yeah, uuh did u see Sarah today?
Hamda: UH NO!!! AND I THINK SHES AVIODING ME, SO WOULD YOU JUST TELL ME !
Shamma: So there’s been talk going around, That you guys broke-up ?
I stood there dumbfounded .. I couldn't feel my legs, my hands were numb i couldn't breathe .. I felt paralyzed !!!
Do you know what it feels like being the last to know that the only person you could ever love, broke-up with you ?
Why did she do what she did?
Was it guilt ? , Shame? Or was it because she’s a heartless coward ?
To Be Continued ...
-----------------------
Previosuly:
For 24 fucking hours ma sema3t 7ess'haa .. and i didnt want to call, Since it was such an awkward situation. TILL THIS DAY, I dont know if her ex really was pregnant, i dont know if she did visit her, and if she did i dont know what the hell happened in that hospital room !
Because after that day, Sarah changed 360 Degrees.
-----------------------
That night was the worst night I ever experienced. I sat in my room for hours, thinking of the possibilities of this situation I’ve been blindly thrown into. I asked myself a thousand questions and predicted a million answers; I was lost in my own head, in my own thoughts.
All the thoughts of what the hell happened in that hospital room I blamed it on Sarah’s ex, if you have ever been in love you’d know what I mean, when everyone in the world including yourself was the one to blame but your loved one was the innocent one,In my eyes she was flawlessly perfect.
I laid there eyes shut, blocking out all the negative thoughts. As I thought of her I unintentionally dozed off.
9 a.m my phones alarm woke me up for university. What a shocker not a call or text from Sarah. Driving to university, I thought of how I’d approach her if I saw her today, I thought of what I’d say I had everything perfectly planned out and ready.
Entering the university’s gates I looked to my left, at the tables where Sarah and her group of friends usually sat, They were all there, But I couldn’t see her big hair anywhere, as I said my good mornings to all my friends I saw Sarah’s big brown hair “mn 6araf 3ainy”, As I rushed to look, I saw her back walking away. “ It’s ok Hamda she didn’t see you” I thought to myself.
It was 10 a.m, This was the time she usually walks me to class. I never wanted her to, she always insisted, from the very first day we talked she always wanted to walk me to class. She knows all my professors and class mates, and they all know her. What an unusual feeling it was walking to class without her, I could hear two girls whispering “oh my god, sho they broke-up?” That thought itself terrified me, hearing it out loud was so much more horrifying, and who are they to talk about US like that?
Walking into the building I immediately saw my bestest friend on god’s green earth Shamma, She was practically running towards me in her stilettos, just looking at her face I knew she had bad news.
Shamma: Oh My God, 7ayatiii I heard ! Are you fine? Are you ok?
Hamda: Shammoo what the fuck are you talking about?
Shamma: What? You don’t know?
Hamda: Shamany im freaked out now, people are staring and whispering and shit, TELL ME!
Shamma: ummm, So yeah, uuh did u see Sarah today?
Hamda: UH NO!!! AND I THINK SHES AVIODING ME, SO WOULD YOU JUST TELL ME !
Shamma: So there’s been talk going around, That you guys broke-up ?
I stood there dumbfounded .. I couldn't feel my legs, my hands were numb i couldn't breathe .. I felt paralyzed !!!
Do you know what it feels like being the last to know that the only person you could ever love, broke-up with you ?
Why did she do what she did?
Was it guilt ? , Shame? Or was it because she’s a heartless coward ?
To Be Continued ...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Part 01
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses ..
Everytime a girl trys to explain why and how shes a … umm, ok lemme rephrase everytime a girl trys to explain why and how shes interested in girls, she’ll give you one of the following excuses ( or maybe all of them ) :
*Wallah ana all my life I’ve been in an all girls school, and my family are the kind ely “madresa bait..bait madresa” .. so all I see is girls (Crap)
*I’ve been abused as a child ( how sad, see a shrink)
*Im ugly so im a boyah (pluck u’re eyebrows, w fy shay esma makeup)
*Coz it’s the new trend (oh, bite me!)
….. Blah Blah Blah
ME? I’m interested in girls coz .. I AM .. No excuses !
---------
Hellow,My Blogger name is Hamda, I’m an Emarati Girl, Early 20’s, I Come from an open-minded family, I’ve been in “mixed schools” yet im interested in girls (shocking? LOL ), I love my life I love my lifestyle I have everything I want and more ( El 7amdellah)
And that’s all u’re allowed to know about this blogger ..
Etha ma tet7amloon, or feel offended or whatever about hal maw’9oo3 I strongly advise you NOT to read any of my posts.
Im not writing to share the lovey dovey story, although it was great, I want to share what no one talks about, after the break-up, the downfall, all the stupid things I did, all that scary moments I experienced .. im writing to share that with you, my strangers .. you may relate or you may hate, and it may be entertaining for a few .. enjoy the show !
-------
True Story …
Her name is Sarah, The first person I ever really loved, I don’t know if I can give anyone what I gave her. A year later after the tragic break-up we are still the talk of the uni. Why? I have no clue.
The day she was no longer mine, my life shattered .. literally
It all began on my 3rd week of uni, When a friend approached me, letting me know that there was someone intrested in me. She pointed who she was and i was like okay fine give her my number, you know hal routine ? Lol
After awhile ( a month ) .. She texted .. and that was when my life began. We shared everything together, wake up, sleep, eat, study we did everything together.
One day she told me about her ex, That they broke up because her ex got married, and this person who i never met and never want to meet is now pregnant, shes 6 months pregnant. And that was where the awkward conversation ended.
A WEEK Later..Sarah tells me that this person ( Her ex ) .. is in the hospital and she delievered ( Like Rabat ) , and got a baby boy .. Until this day i dont believe that she had a baby when she was 6 months pregnant..Anyway, Sarah asked me if it would be ok with me if she visted her, and i was fine with it, Its like Wajeb 3alaiha to visit her.
For 24 fucking hours ma sema3t 7ess'haa .. and i didnt want to call, Since it was such an awkward situation. TILL THIS DAY, I dont know if her ex really was pregnant, i dont know if she did visit her, and if she did i dont know what the hell happened in that hospital room !
Because after that day, Sarah changed 360 Degrees.
To Be Continued ...
Everytime a girl trys to explain why and how shes a … umm, ok lemme rephrase everytime a girl trys to explain why and how shes interested in girls, she’ll give you one of the following excuses ( or maybe all of them ) :
*Wallah ana all my life I’ve been in an all girls school, and my family are the kind ely “madresa bait..bait madresa” .. so all I see is girls (Crap)
*I’ve been abused as a child ( how sad, see a shrink)
*Im ugly so im a boyah (pluck u’re eyebrows, w fy shay esma makeup)
*Coz it’s the new trend (oh, bite me!)
….. Blah Blah Blah
ME? I’m interested in girls coz .. I AM .. No excuses !
---------
Hellow,My Blogger name is Hamda, I’m an Emarati Girl, Early 20’s, I Come from an open-minded family, I’ve been in “mixed schools” yet im interested in girls (shocking? LOL ), I love my life I love my lifestyle I have everything I want and more ( El 7amdellah)
And that’s all u’re allowed to know about this blogger ..
Etha ma tet7amloon, or feel offended or whatever about hal maw’9oo3 I strongly advise you NOT to read any of my posts.
Im not writing to share the lovey dovey story, although it was great, I want to share what no one talks about, after the break-up, the downfall, all the stupid things I did, all that scary moments I experienced .. im writing to share that with you, my strangers .. you may relate or you may hate, and it may be entertaining for a few .. enjoy the show !
-------
True Story …
Her name is Sarah, The first person I ever really loved, I don’t know if I can give anyone what I gave her. A year later after the tragic break-up we are still the talk of the uni. Why? I have no clue.
The day she was no longer mine, my life shattered .. literally
It all began on my 3rd week of uni, When a friend approached me, letting me know that there was someone intrested in me. She pointed who she was and i was like okay fine give her my number, you know hal routine ? Lol
After awhile ( a month ) .. She texted .. and that was when my life began. We shared everything together, wake up, sleep, eat, study we did everything together.
One day she told me about her ex, That they broke up because her ex got married, and this person who i never met and never want to meet is now pregnant, shes 6 months pregnant. And that was where the awkward conversation ended.
A WEEK Later..Sarah tells me that this person ( Her ex ) .. is in the hospital and she delievered ( Like Rabat ) , and got a baby boy .. Until this day i dont believe that she had a baby when she was 6 months pregnant..Anyway, Sarah asked me if it would be ok with me if she visted her, and i was fine with it, Its like Wajeb 3alaiha to visit her.
For 24 fucking hours ma sema3t 7ess'haa .. and i didnt want to call, Since it was such an awkward situation. TILL THIS DAY, I dont know if her ex really was pregnant, i dont know if she did visit her, and if she did i dont know what the hell happened in that hospital room !
Because after that day, Sarah changed 360 Degrees.
To Be Continued ...
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